Two Questions to Ask Yourself

“Effective time- and self-managers are asking themselves two questions, moment by moment. Those Two Questions are “Am I having fun right now?” and “Is this what I’ve set out to do”? If I’m doing what I’m here to do, experiencing what is mine to experience, I’ll be motivated and focused and engaged. And everybody around me will benefit from that, too.”

So says Dr. David D. Nowell. You can read the full article here where he discusses the various combinations of responses to the two questions. I put together the following chart based on the article:Two Questions Matrix

Some observations:

Procrastination comes from asking only the first question.

When you answer Yes/No, stop and refocus. You’re enjoying what you’re doing, but you won’t enjoy the price you pay for staying here too long.

Living in the Yes/No quadrant will eventually land you in the No/No quadrant. At some point the pain of avoiding life will become great enough that previously enjoyable activities will lose their fun as you face the consequences of your choices.

A lot of pain is avoided by accepting that the No/Yes quadrant is a part life in a fallen world. There’s just stuff that needs to be done that you may never enjoy. The key here, as Dr. Nowell points out, is focusing on the reward. You may hate doing your taxes, but you can look forward to fulfilling your duty as a citizen, not landing in jail, and celebrating once the taxes are finished for another year.

Pay attention to the Yes/Yes quadrant. This is where long term motivation comes much easier. If you can get paid to do things in your Yes/Yes quadrant, you’ll find a lot of satisfaction in work.

You may be surprised to learn that your Yes/Yes activities are someone else’s No/Yes activities. We’re different, which is good, since the world wouldn’t work so well if we all loved the same activities.



Black Lives Matter Too

The police shootings in downtown Dallas occurred a mere 30 miles from our home, and yet in some ways they took place in another world at least as far away as Baton Rouge or Minneapolis. There will be a time for serious engagement and debate on justice, the accountability of police, gun control, racism, and whether a just society can be sustained when the rule of law, morals, and accountability have been rejected. But that time is not today. Rather than using these tragedies to further our own agenda I suggest we pause and reflect. The articles below don’t say all that needs to be said, but for me, living in suburbia, they are a good place to start.

How To Respond?

In the face of injustice it can be difficult to know how to respond. This article at least tells us where to start. I like the call to set aside for a time “critique and disagreements, fact-seeking and fault-finding.”

Walking While Black

You’ve been raised in the suburbs which means you go to great schools and live in safe neighborhoods. You’re typically not burdened with adult responsibilities. But the suburbs lack diversity – you don’t get a full picture of life in America or the world. Be grateful for the blessings you’ve been given and at the same time recognize not everyone shares your experience. This article tells what it’s like walking the streets as a black man in America:

Black Lives Matter Too

This article was written previous to the events of this week. It compares the Black Lives Matter movement with the Civil Rights Movement. This alone was very helpful: “Black Lives Matter does not mean “black lives matter only.” It means “black lives matter too.”

A Confession

I relate to this confession by political commentator Matt Lewis (the page has a lot of gross ads, so I copy it here for you):

In the era of Facebook Live and smart phones, it’s hard to come to any conclusion other than the fact that police brutality toward African-Americans is a pervasive problem that has been going on for generations. Seriously, absent video proof, how many innocent African-Americans have been beaten or killed over the last hundred years by the police—with little or no media coverage or scrutiny?

There’s no telling the damage this has done to us collectively, not to mention the specific families and individuals that were victimized. And, of course, the long-term psychic damage transcends the physical. All sorts of negative externalities can be expected of someone who rightly feels he’s living under an occupying army.

I was brought up to reflexively believe the police. To give them the benefit of the doubt. This was before everyone had a camera—and before my own personal experience would demonstrate to me that not all cops are heroes (though some certainly are). It was also before I became a dad and could appreciate the fear that many African-American parents have regarding their children’s interactions with police. (Note: I’m writing this the morning after five innocent police officers were murdered in Dallas. It goes without saying that this violence should be vigorously condemned.)

This default assumption that the police officer was always right is, I’m sure, what a lot of well-meaning and decent middle class white people were raised to believe. Sure, there were incidents of police abuse, we were told, but those were very rare—and mostly happened in the Deep South. If you had to take someone’s word, you would always go with a police officer over the word of some random citizen (and, let’s be honest, for many Americans, this was especially true if that citizen was a minority).

It’s important to note that I’m not talking about overt racists here. Many of the white Americans who reflexively trusted cops would never personally discriminate against someone, nor would they use a racist slur. But they have outsourced their concerns about crime to the authorities, and part of the deal is that you don’t micromanage this work. It is understood that you may have to crack some eggs to make an omelette. And this was fine so long as they had plausible deniability.

Those days are gone. Decent Americans cannot turn a blind eye to police abuse; they just didn’t really believe the it was happening. Or maybe they didn’t want to believe. Today, there is literally no excuse to be ignorant of the problem.

It would be hard to overestimate the impact that smart phone cameras have had on forcing us to grapple with the fact that this is, in fact, a very real (and all-too-common) problem. The streaming video of the aftermath of the killing of Philando Castile appears to be the latest tragic example. (Note: We still don’t know exactly what happened, so I’m going to withhold judgment on this specific incident—but the video evidence we’ve all seen does not look good for the police.)

And if there’s any good to come from this horrible trend, it may be that the scales are coming off the eyes of a lot of well meaning, if naive, white Americans. My hope is that this will change public opinion to the point that we can change public policy.

This is why—though it’s not a panacea—if there’s one action item that we can probably all agree on, it’s mandatory police body cameras that monitor and record all interactions with the public. It’s in the best interest of our many responsible and professional police officers, as well as the public interest. This needs to happen.